The Mysterious Case of Representatives Who Go Missing When Faced with The Trump

So maybe Trump thinks he really is the Emperor.

After all, his first two weeks as the POTUS were quite the display of self-admiration.

I’m shaking my head here because other Presidents know how to hide that shit.

With his streaky bronzer and his faux fur chapeau, there the man sits at that big empty desk just ordering up his demands like he’s on an all-inclusive cruise.

Trump as president is all like, “Nobody’s the boss of me now!”

Of course, the new POTUS ordinarily does set the tone for their new gig right up front—they call the press, they gather their staff, they station the VP over their shoulder, and they sit there signing diplomas and decrees and hall passes and shit.

It’s just that Trump’s royal demands have been so spoiled-brat-ish and billionaire-on-a-shopping-spree-ish—and not surprising to people who didn’t vote for him, have displayed a shocking disregard for humanity.

Not that Secretary of State Clinton was keen on humanity in her handling of Libya and Honduras. And not that Obama’s taste for drone strikes or his involvement (understatement) in Yemen or the U.S.’s clusterfuck of intervention in Syria have been all unicorns and rainbows.

But dayum, Trump is letting it all hang out.

Ew, sorry.

And both the Republicans and Democrats are going right along with it.

Like it’s business as usual. Because, of course, that’s exactly what it is for them—business as usual.

Talk about normalizing; the Democrats seem to have forgotten all about their “But Trump!” battle cry, and appear to be sleepwalking.

Or bored.

Or dead.

And the Republicans are having a fine old time with Trump—they’re taking full advantage of their new handyman.

He’s doing their dirty work—the stuff they know not to say outright, but they know their boy Trump’s got no shame and’ll do whatever gets himself some attention.

Once Trump’s gone all Big Bad Wolf on everyone for a little while longer—or Big Scary-As-Fuck Werewolf, actually, then the Republicans might just figure out a way to set Mr. Look-At-Me aside. They might figure out a way to get this asshole neighbor kid to go inside for a popsicle or something.

Because apparently Trump has yet to notice Mike Pence’s evil grin.

Ol’ Mike’s just itchin’ to sit in that chair and fill that desk right up if the situation calls for it.

And if Mike Pence makes it to the helm, shit’s gon’ get even more real—that dude is no joke. Democrats, Pence is not who we want in charge. He’s not Trump, but keep this in mind: for every Democrat who wants Trump impeached, at least 1.5 Republicans would love to put Mike Pence in charge.

Pence’ll be crying crocodile tears if that happens.

And the rest of us will feel like we’re living out the plagues of ancient Egypt.

So right now, the big boys are letting Trump have at it, cheering him on as he tears through the palace White House like a pot-bellied devil-man, distracting the commoners with endless atrocities and imminent doomsday stuff so we’re all in such a panic that we do whatever we can to appease the monster.

Enter the Democrats…

Didn’t you expect the Democrats to be hellbent on making President Trump’s life miserable? I know I sure did.

I mean, if for no other reason than it’s their turn after six years of drunken Republican obstructionism, but seriously, didn’t you think the Dems would be puffed up and strutting around, indignant and defiant?

But damned if those feet-to-the-fire Democrats aren’t playing nice with the new POTUS.

They’re behaving like brown-nosers all of a sudden, like they want Trump and Pence to actually like them and ask them out for happy hour on Fridays.

What the ever-living hell, Democrats?

They’re just a-raisin’ those hands, playing along, being all Well, jeez, okay over Trump’s cabinet nominees.

I mean, Elizabeth Warren cast her vote for Ben Dingleheaded Carson to head up HUD, a position for which he even said himself he is entirely unqualified.

WTF, Senator Warren?

What. The. Fuck?

She explained her reasoning in a half-assed Facebook post, and yet I still don’t get it.

But it’s not just Senator Warren—it’s a trend!

It’s cool! They’re all doing it!

Check out this list of the Senators’ votes on Trump’s nominees. Scroll down just a little to see the chart listing how each voted—Dems in the blue circles, Repubs in the red, of course.

And while you’re there, would you just look at Tim Kaine (Hillary’s super dynamic VP candidate—remember that boring-ass boredom machine?) and ever the people’s advocate Diane Feinstein, for example, propping up Team Trump again and again and again!

What the hell kind of #RESISTANCE is this supposed to be?

I seriously cannot figure out what secret plan these Democrats have.

This, Democrats, is how you got crushed all over the country in November.

This, Democrats, is not how to rise from the ashes in 2018.

This, Democrats, is not the time to kill ’em with kindness.

This, Democrats, makes it look like you’re either dumbstruck in the presence of a billionaire,

or scared you might not get your Christmas ham,

or you’re thinking of becoming Republicans.

Or all that.

Meanwhile, ordinary citizens who don’t bring in $174K per year working a part-time job are out in the streets and on the phones and writing letters and postcards doing the work we thought we were paying our public servants to do.

Here we have an astonishingly narcissistic president being raucously cheered on by an ultra-ultra-ultra-right wing posse of old white men, and then we have our comfy Democratic Senators, nodding along politely.

I suppose this is all okay because old white men in charge have a history of being fair-minded?

And the very Democrats we voted into office, these Democrats who hold actual, real, useable power in their lobbied little hands, and are in a position to stand up to the emperor, are basically on autopilot right now?

Friends, are we missing something here?

For months on end the Democrats blustered about with their But Trump! But Trump! But Trump!

Like a broken record.

Was that it? Was there no actual plan?

Now they’re tiptoeing along like they don’t want to upset the mean drunk—so they’re enabling the man.

Do they think Trump and his team are gonna calm down and become reasonable at some point?

Because obviously having Trump in charge must not be putting a hurtin’ on them as much as it is the rest of the country…

…which is a big-ass clue as to why the Democratic party lost the election up one side and down the other:

They have no fucking idea what to do now because they’re so out of touch that they had no fucking idea it was even possible they’d lose.

They still have no idea they made the ultimate mistake in forcing voters to accept the weaker candidate in the primaries—they can’t even guess what went wrong.

They have no fucking idea what to do now, other than play by a bunch of rules no one on Trump’s team even gives a shit about.

The Democratic establishment is like a bunch of old people who still think you have to slap the TV to get a good picture.

They show no signs of recognizing that voters in November rejected the centrist, bought-and-paid-for, standard issue politicians the party keeps trotting out.

But what do you wanna bet that’s who they’re rounding up to run in the midterms in 2018? And I bet they’re looking under the same dead bushes for their 2020 POTUS picks, too.

When it comes to the Democratic party’s leadership, there’s truly nothing new under the sun.

And since they’re hellbent on That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, then get ready, y’all, for four more years of The Trump.

All Hail The Trump.

And the trumped.

Friends, how much longer are we going to excuse these lesser evils we keep electing?

We count on them, and yet they just keep letting us down.

Our elected representatives appear to be less concerned with our welfare than their own.

But at the very least this election has produced one good thing:

The election of Donald J. Trump has been a resounding success in exposing more than one naked fool we can’t count on to represent us.

So I guess there’s that.

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