My Dashboard Hula Girl and Her Horrific Accident

Fernanda is weak.

It was a beautiful 74 degree afternoon, and I was reveling in the perfect sunshine when I got in my car to go do the carpool thing.

I glanced at the center of the dashboard and did a double-take.

My dashboard hula girl Fernanda had melted over at the waist, right where her bouncy spring is.

And her skirt had come unglued, revealing half of her backside, which was then made all the more visible because her top half was laying over and her head was down at her feet.

I was embarrassed for her.

I tried to help her recompose herself, but that just made her give up and fall off the dashboard altogether.

I cringed as her melting body lay in my hand.

Sure, the car was warm when I got in—it felt kind of good, actually. This time of year it could be windy and rainy or gosh knows what, so for the moment I was just soaking up the warmth like a snake in the sun.

The weather certainly wasn’t like what we’ve got coming later on this summer when the temperature soars to the 90s and the heat when you open the car door literally takes your breath away. No, this was the kind of weather that puts you in a good mood—sunshine, the perfect temperature, and low humidity.

But the spell was broken when Fernanda had her accident.

As she lay crippled in my hand, globby glue oozed all the way down her bouncy spring and out from the waistband of her skirt.

She was helpless.

I was shocked that she couldn’t withstand a merely warm spring day—just how was she planning to handle the summer?

Back when we had another dashboard hula girl named Boo Boo, she never melted over. She did eventually turn a little green from the incessantly hot sub-tropic sunshine beating down on her plastic skin, but she toughed it out for years with no other damage whatsoever.

That Boo Boo was a strong dashboard hula girl, if a little green.

It appears that today’s dashboard hula girls are held together with dollar store glue.

After I repair Fernanda with some top quality glue, I hope that I never again see such horrors—it was like “Toy Story” gone tragically wrong.

I now know that there’s skimping going on in dashboard-dwelling hula girl construction. This is something I never saw coming.

So buyer beware.

You don’t want this to happen in your car.

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