dashboard hula girl

Fernanda is weak.

It was a beautiful 74 degree afternoon and I was reveling in the perfect sunshine when I got in the car to go do the carpool thing. I looked over at the center of the dashboard and did a double-take.

Fernanda had melted over at the waist, right where her bouncy spring is.

And her skirt had come unglued, revealing half of her backside, which was then made all the more visible because her top half was laying over and her head was down at her feet. I tried to help her recompose herself, but that just made her give up and fall off the dashboard altogether.

I cringed as her melting body lay in my hand.

Sure, the car was warm when I got in—it felt kind of good, actually. This time of year it could be windy and rainy or gosh knows what, so for the moment I was just soaking up the warmth like a snake in the sun.

It certainly wasn’t like what we’ve got coming later on this summer when the temperature soars to the 90s and the heat in the car literally takes your breath away. No, this was the kind of weather that puts the whole town in a good mood.

But the spell was broken when Fernanda had her accident.

As she lay crippled in my hand, globby glue oozed all the way down her bouncy spring and out from the waistband of her skirt. She was helpless.

I was shocked that she couldn’t withstand a merely warm spring day—just how was she planning to handle the summer?

Back when we had another dashboard hula girl named Boo Boo, she never melted over. She did eventually turn a little green from the incessantly hot coastal sunshine beating down on her plastic skin, but she toughed it out for years with no other damage whatsoever.

That Boo Boo was a strong hula girl. But today’s hula girls must be getting their glue at the dollar store.

After I repair Fernanda with some top quality glue, I hope that I never again see such horrors—it was like “Toy Story” gone tragically wrong.

I now know that that there’s skimping going on in dashboard-dwelling hula girl construction.

Buyer beware. You don’t want this to happen in your car.

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