My Dashboard Hula Girl and Her Horrific Accident

Fernanda is weak.

It was a beautiful 74º afternoon. I was reveling in the perfect sunshine when I got in my car to go do the carpool thing.

I glanced at the dashboard and did a double-take.

My dashboard hula girl Fernanda had melted over at the waist, right where her bouncy spring is.

And her skirt had come unglued, revealing half of her backside, which was then made all the more visible because her top half was lying over, and her head was near her feet.

I was embarrassed for her.

I tried to help her recompose herself, but that just made her give up and fall off the dashboard altogether.

I cringed as her melting dashboard hula girl body lay in my hand.

Sure, the car was warm when I got in—it felt kind of good, actually. This time of year it could be windy and rainy or gosh knows what, so for the moment I was just soaking up the warmth like a snake in the sun.

The weather certainly wasn’t like what we’ve got coming later on this summer when the temperature soars to the 90s, and the heat when you open the car door literally takes your breath away. No, this was the kind of weather that puts you in a good mood—sunshine, the perfect temperature, and low humidity.

But the spell was broken when Fernanda had her accident.

As she lay crippled in my hand, globby glue oozed all the way down her bouncy spring and out from the waistband of her skirt.

She was helpless.

I was shocked that she couldn’t withstand a merely warm spring day—just how was she planning to handle the summer?

Back when we had another dashboard hula girl named Boo Boo, she never melted over. She did eventually turn a little green from the incessantly hot sub-tropic sunshine beating down on her plastic skin, but she toughed it out for years with no other damage whatsoever.

That Boo Boo was a strong dashboard hula girl, if a little green.

It appears that today’s dashboard hula girls are held together with dollar store glue.

After I repair Fernanda with some top quality glue, I hope I never again see such horrors—it was like Toy Story gone tragically wrong.

I now know there’s skimping going on in dashboard-dwelling hula girl construction.

I never saw this coming.

So buyer beware.

Don’t let this happen in your car.


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6 thoughts on “My Dashboard Hula Girl and Her Horrific Accident”

  1. Almost ten years ago, I returned to my Jeep on a hot summer day to discover Leilani, my dashboard ukulele girl, had removed her grass skirt for some reprieve from the heat! I ended up superglueing her skirt back on and have had no further issues since.

    A few years ago however, I dropped off the Jeep for servicing and, upon receiving it back, I noticed that Leilani had lost her core strength and seemed to sway much more than usual, sometimes slamming the back of her head against the windshield. I suspected horseplay from one of the technicians, who may have bent Leilani over a little much much; probably more than she could recover from. I’ve considered removing the spring and replacing it with a more robust one.

    Reply
    • I’m so sad for you and your Leilani! I eventually replaced Fernanda, but I was soon disappointed, as the new girl was no stronger—her skirt fell off in short order. It wasn’t pretty. And she’d been delivered to me straight from Hawai´i! I tell you, something fishy is going on.

      Things simply aren’t what they used to be in the world of dashboard hula girls. I hesitate to get a new dashboard companion, though I did see a dashboard Jesus online that was tempting. I would just hate to find out that he, too, couldn’t stand the heat, though—I would probably read too much into the demise of a plastic dashboard Jesus.

      Reply
      • Lol. You bonded. For me, my friend brought me one from Hawaii. She was excited coming back with all her souvenirs! In about 2 days, she was bent backwards. On the 3rd day, i had the audacity to turn a corner. It was too much for her. Her upper half just fell off. I went to hobby lobby and got advice on certain glue. But its too hard to bond on that spring. And it would just happen again. I dont want my friend to see it. So far, she hasnt been in my car. Its been 2 weeks. It has sentimental value to me. I really want to fix it. (Her) i can run to Hawaii and get another one.
        Here, it gets over 100 often. She cant hang in those temps. Maybe i can wait till the weather cools and try again. Thanks for getting back to me

        Reply
        • Who could have known these grass-skirt clad hula girls are not, in fact, suited for tropical, or even just a regular old hot weather. I guess in their defense, it’d be hard not to melt over from sitting there on the dashboard day in and day out. Le sigh.

          Reply

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