Sep 172012











This is a playground rhyme, so say it out loud and spell out the spelled-out word:


Mitt and Lyin’ Ryan were sippin’ on some tea,

S – M – I – R – K – I – N – G,

First comes a flip,

Then comes a flop,

And there goes the chicken from every middle class pot.



 Posted by  2 Responses »
Mar 062012


We’ve sure got a lot of people working on their stupid here lately. No doubt I’m missing a boatload of them from this list so feel free to add your own suggestions.  They just keep popping up every day! Meanwhile here are some people who come to mind- in no particular order- without me having to look far at all.

Rush Limbaugh- A whole lot of no fun. May his groin break out in an itchy rash and may his Viagra give him adult acne.

Sure, Rush, you can apologize all you want, but your credibility has settled somewhere near the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle.

Rick Santorum- The Republican Party is desperate beyond desperate to let this guy off his leash for so long. Please God, don’t let this divisive extremist near the White House- he would wipe out civilization as we know it.

Newt Gingrich- At last, he’s become a caricature of himself. Maybe he’ll slip on a banana peel.

Sarah Palin- She’s a pseudo-celebrity who makes so little sense that she should give up speaking for Lent.

Foster Friess- What kind of el creepo tells women in 2012 America to put on their June Cleaver panties and keep an asprin between their knees? I bet he’s one of those slimeballs who leaves his waitress a 10% tip and slaps her on the ass on the way out the door.

Yeah, I know, he issued a nice long apology.

Franklin Graham- Like it’s his call who gets into heaven. May he have a dark-of-the-night visit from the Ghosts of Franklin Past, Present, and Future.

And uh huh, you guessed it, another apology.

Mitt Romney- The man simply cannot keep his foot out of his $20 million mouth. Alarmingly consistent, this guy.

But only those truly committed to stupid would transport their dog on the roof of the car. Wait a minute- that’s not just stupid- that’s cruel. Has the man no feelings?

Art Jones, running for office in Illinois- What does it take for someone to publicly say that the Holocaust is completely made up so the Jews can make lots of money “telling this tale of woe and misfortune”?

No surprise that there’s been no apology from this bottom feeder.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio in Arizona- I bet that this same man who’s been busy digging around to find President Obama’s birth certificate was on board with the crowd that wanted to change the constitution so that Arnold Scwarzenegger could run for president.

GOP Congressman John Sullivan- Smooth move, Ex-Lax, for saying you’re gonna have to shoot a bunch of democrats to get them out of the way of your obviously brilliant ideas.

Yep, had to apologize, didn’t you?

Virginia lawmakers- The transvaginal ultrasound equipment manufacturer must have one hell of a salesman with one hell of an incentive program to get someone to even think up their disgusting bill. To require that women undergo such this transvaginal ultrasound before they can have an abortion is obviously about the money- oh, and punishment for women who’ve had sex, since there’s a lot of that going around lately.

May this bill’s proponents have icky, personally embarrassing skeletons fall out of their closets.

(What I have to say to “pro-lifers” is that before you judge a woman, say to yourself, “There but by the grace of God go I” because you have no idea what that woman may be going through.  Just offer praise that it’s not you and go get the log out of your own eye.)

President Obama- I love you, man, but this thing you’ve got going on with GMO giant, Monsanto is short-sighted and stupid. No way, no how should you have appointed a Monsanto lobbyist to the FDA! You have an organic garden at the White House, so WTF?! My hope is that you are just toying with stupid on this and that you’re about to snap out of it.  Don’t make me have to come over there and give you a talkin’ to.

Montana’s Chief Federal Judge Richard Cebull- Sending a racist e-mail about the President when you’re a Federal Judge? Really? Let’s hope this dude doesn’t get recognized driving around lost in the wrong neighborhood.

Oh yeah, I know he apologized and said he’s not a racist, though it seems to me that when people say, “I’m not a racist,” it’s always followed by, “but…” And all that means is that they’ve said the right thing first and now they’re about to say what they really mean.

In conclusion,

the First Amendment evidently means that anyone can crawl out from the underbelly of society and say anything at all as long as they apologize. Never mind that the problems don’t get fixed and go away with these nopologies.  Clearly, some people are just stuck on stupid.

I wonder, does “Big Pharma” have something people can take for stupid?  Maybe some of the side effects could be: the uncontrollable urge to make sincere apologies, an increased desire to work for social justice, an increased respect for women. And bladder control and weight loss. (Just thinking out loud here.)

Maybe it’s a long shot to try and cure stupid, but this high-level stupidity has serious consequences. I guess some people just have a knack for a special kind of stupid.

But there’s just no need to flaunt that stuff.


 Posted by  5 Responses »
Feb 232012

I suppose that when I see the bumper sticker that says “He’s Not MY President,” it means that the driver is about to change countries?

Don’t we have it set up this way, that we keep changing up the people in charge? Do we really get to pretend that this isn’t our country when we don’t get our way? That’s the sort of thing that teenagers do when their parents go through that unbearably embarrassing stage. But if you really do feel that you can disown any given president when you don’t like him (or her?  Just thinking ahead here…), then maybe this isn’t the country for you. Maybe you could get a trick passport where you can pick and choose your nationality periodically, according to if your hissy fit in the US paid off or not that year. That’s what a teenager would do. If it didn’t mean leaving the comforts of home, of course.

To be sure, I was sorely tempted a little over four years ago to slap that sticker on my car, but then I got to thinking about it and decided to look for something a little less… mean.

See, here’s the way I’m pretty sure that our country works- we have a presidential election every four years. We might get a new president or we might keep the old one for another four years. But we only have to keep a president for eight years, max! So let’s say I didn’t like the last president- well, he was still my president. For the record- in case there was any doubt in your mind- I now consider that one the worst president of my lifetime, but that didn’t mean that I was ready to haul off to Canada (which is really not looking that good lately, anyway). I still loved my country for that whole stinking eight years, and I believed then, as I do now, that this is my country of choice, by a long shot. I lived through a presidential term that didn’t go my way and so will those who don’t like our current president. We all get our turn at some point or another, so my advice is to try to understand that you won’t be a miserable teenager with stupid parents forever.

The more I think about it- and heads up, I’m getting serious for a minute- I realize that I can’t think of anything more UN-American than to claim that democracy doesn’t apply to you when you don’t like the president. Exercise your right to free speech, but good grief, you’re just not going to get your way every four years. And sure, you may be thrown for a loop- I mean, I do realize that there’s a scary black guy in the White House, but it’s gonna be okay- he’ll only be there for another 4 1/2 years- max. And if the last guy couldn’t run the country into the ground, as hard as he worked at it, then this one sure as Hell can’t do it either.

Anyway, while we’re waiting it out- or fighting it out- this election year, I’m getting back to my bumper sticker search. I’m thinking of clicking on over to Northern Sun to get myself something happy and gay, like a fresh new God Bless The Freaks bumper sticker for my aging little Honda with the hula girl named Fernanda dancing on the dashboard. It’s pretty bipartisan if you think about it. And religious, too. It’s like the Middle East peace talk of bumper stickers.



 Posted by  6 Responses »