The Shiny Butter Blog - Straight-up flavor, fresh and unfiltered. Mouthy southern liberal talks crazy, but not quite insane.

You Can Always Flee The Scene Before They Kick You Out

May 152013

I was visiting with my neighbor Jan* at her yard sale one Saturday morning when a woman arrived to pick up the wicker furniture that she’d paid for earlier. Jan quickly hopped up to help this woman, who had hardly gotten out of her truck when Jan began carrying the wicker toward the back of the woman’s truck. I shook my head in judgment and remarked that with the size of that truck and the fact that wicker furniture is not exactly heavy, the woman ought to be able to load it her own self and let Jan tend to [...]

Posted by Coco on May 15, 2013 Tagged with: foot in mouth, mumbling, tiki bar, yard sale 2 Responses »

“I’m Like, The Opposite Of Mormon”

Apr 222013

A Trio of Unrelated, Nearly-Important Stories, Accompanied by Hit-or-Miss Photos PLUS A Bonus Story-ette* *This is a new word that I’m starting. ♦ ONE ♦ My girlfriend was explaining her plan to keep only fresh food on hand- no more old stuff hanging around in the pantry and fridge. She was sick of things piling up and from now on, she said, she’s going to have a fast turnover in her food supply, replacing her groceries frequently rather than stocking up on things for one day when she might need them, “You know, like the Mormons do.” That’s when [...]

Posted by Coco on April 22, 2013 Tagged with: bread and butter pickles, child-proof, diet, end times, first phone, fish pond, fresh food, housekeeping, lost phone, mid-century modern architecture, Mormon, Nikes, pantry, pantry moths, parenting, refrigerator, stocking up, sun room 8 Responses »

It’s True- The Gays Have An Agenda And They’re Taking Over Everything

Mar 272013

Far be it from me to keep my opinion to myself. I have this friend who is addicted like a crackhead to reading the letters to the editor in her local newspaper. She probably needs help, but who am I to say. So it’s no big surprise that she runs across letters that cause her to scream out loud and call out to her friends to respond to such letters. She gets quite a few of us to drop everything to try and right the ship of common sense and compassion. I do my best to keep up. (Once, though, a [...]

Posted by Coco on March 27, 2013 Tagged with: Biblical literalism, civil rights, conservative, divisive, equality, gay agenda, gay marriage, gays, God, Jesus, justice, letter to editor, rights, Senator Rob Portman, Separation of Church and State, Sodom and Gomorrah, the Bible, the Great Commandment, United Sates citizens, United States Constitution 8 Responses »

What Mardi Gras Has To Do With The Easter Bunny, According To Me

Feb 152013

“What did those women do to their heads??” was the question about three customers in my section at the restaurant. Some church ladies came in for lunch and had clearly been to an Ash Wednesday service, as they had black smudges on their foreheads. But this was not, in fact, clear to some of the wait staff who were neither of the Episcopal persuasion like myself, nor of any religious persuasion, really, so the fact that it was Ash Wednesday meant nothing except that my three customers still had something on with their foreheads and my co-workers still didn’t get why. [...]

Posted by Coco on February 15, 2013 Tagged with: ash wednesday, Chocolate, Easter, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, holy week, Jesus, lent, Mardi Gras, Mary Magdalene, Pancake Supper, Resurrection, Satan, the devil, the messiah 4 Responses »

Leave A Big Tip- You’ll Respect Yourself In The Morning

Jan 282013

When I lived in Boston in the 80s, we’d go to this bar where there was a waitress named Hilda who had high hair like Tammy Wynette and wore a button that said “Leave a big tip!” Hilda would bring us big plates full of food, along with long-neck Budweisers. We’d have a good time. And we’d leave a big tip. I never forgot Hilda and her Leave a big tip! button. Which is why I’m coming to you now. See, I’ve been out waiting tables lately. You know, for research. And as it turns out, waiting tables is not [...]

Posted by Coco on January 28, 2013 Tagged with: 20% tip, bad tippers, minimum wage for servers, servers, tipping, waiting tables, water with lemon 10 Responses »

There’s Crazy In The Air

Dec 062012

Okay, so I’ve been woefully distracted for the last couple of months, but never you mind that because here are a few completely random things- in no particular order- that have happened to me lately that I hope will entertain you but will do little to catch us up where we left off two months ago. I take a job waiting tables and conclude that bad tippers should be imprisoned. I pre-pay for some gas, then get in the car and start to drive away, only to have to back up, turn the car off, and get the gas. An [...]

Posted by Coco on December 6, 2012 7 Responses »

A Wee Little Bit Of Political Snark For Ya’

Sep 172012

This is a playground rhyme, so say it out loud and spell out the spelled-out word: Mitt and Lyin’ Ryan were sippin’ on some tea, S – M – I – R – K – I – N – G, First comes a flip, Then comes a flop, And there goes the chicken from every middle class pot. Share

Posted by Coco on September 17, 2012 2 Responses »

Don’t Make Me Knit My Brow

Sep 122012

As you know, I have a conflicted relationship with Facebook, so it’s shaky ground over there for me. It’s my goal to be a good Facebook friend to others, but what with my strong personality and all, I think I sometimes manage to offend someone anyway. My keep-or-unfriend policy being what it is, people have naturally fallen by the wayside (i.e. I’ve unfriended them), but some people do stay on, in spite of the fact that maybe our views mix like cats and mockingbirds. In other words, I admit that I occassionally post something on Facebook that I know when [...]

Posted by Coco on September 12, 2012 8 Responses »

Meet My New Dashboard Hula Girl, “Sweet KeAloha”

Sep 012012

She came with the name, so far be it from me to suggest a change. Not after what we’ve been through over here, what with my last dashboard hula girl, Fernanda, being so weak as to fall over melted in the heat and all. You can clearly see by the expression on Sweet KeAloha’s face that she is concentrating, that she is serious about her craft- and perhaps even more serious about her role as Fernanda’s replacement. Where Fernanda had a pleasant, maybe even a little bit naïve demeanor, Sweet KeAloha clearly knows that she may or may not keep her job, [...]

Posted by Coco on September 1, 2012 4 Responses »

The Only Back-To-School Guide You Need- 29 Things I Think It’s Only Fair That You Know

Aug 212012

True to my benevolent nature, this list is filled with things that you will not hear from anyone else because others are trying to shield you from the vast, insider secrets that make up the back-to-school ritual. It’s probably a conspiracy, but I can’t say for sure. Anyway, since I feel that educating parents is of paramount importance here, consider this admittedly incomplete and scatterbrained list your rough guide to knowing what would all be smoke and mirrors otherwise. This list covers a variety of ages and it’s a little all over the place. Just work with me. And if [...]

Posted by Coco on August 21, 2012 6 Responses »

Well, Shoot- My Summer Vacation Has Come And Gone

Aug 072012

We set out for our three-week journey at 9:30 PM on a Tuesday, intending to drive till we could drive no more. All was well, but for an unexpected 2 AM traffic jam in our nation’s capital. Surreal. At 3 AM we decided to stop driving while we were still in good spirits, so we found a Sleep-Inn somewhere in Maryland, where my GF promptly misplaced the credit card she had just used. SO, between having to change from a mildewy-smelling room at 3 AM and looking for a lost credit card at 3 AM, we got a little testy. The [...]

Posted by Coco on August 7, 2012 8 Responses »

It’s A Yard Sale, So Why Didn’t The Wicker Sell??

Jul 202012

(This post was set to go out weeks ago, but techno difficulties stopped it at the door. So… without further ado, here you go!) I am certain you’ve been on the edge of your seat over this yard sale of mine, especially after that ugly kitchen gadget incident ushering in the final days of gathering and pricing. The yard sale started, as all yard sales must, when I felt my house closing in on me. So I began to gather things that irritated me, that I was sick of, had too many of, or didn’t know why I still owned. I [...]

Posted by Coco on July 20, 2012 2 Responses »

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